Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
