we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
