Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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