i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What a dumb baby whore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
