just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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