I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
