New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
