Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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