YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
