Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This gyro tastes like lonliness
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
