did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
one two three fourrrrnication!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
