actually, I'm a sock model
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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