I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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