Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
