I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
