It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
