marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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