oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
