Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
