fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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