oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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