So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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