You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
