i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How external is "for external use only"?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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