You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
