Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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