Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
