Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
