There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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