totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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