Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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