i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
