Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
