Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
