3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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