He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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