And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
