When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
