Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
