WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
