I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
