so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
