On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
