im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
