He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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