I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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