if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
