She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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