just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
