Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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