my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize