do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
