Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
