I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
