But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They took my balls.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
