I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
