The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize