tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sober January is a disaster.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize