Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
