What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
