people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
