Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
