Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize