I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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