can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
