Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
