You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
