I could make wine with my vomit
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
