carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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