I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
