I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Jerry, you need to find god
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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