Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
from now on my penis is your penis
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So many bounce houses so little time
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
