You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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