I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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